I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
