I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
