Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
