I met the friendliest cop last night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
