No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
