i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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