Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
