It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
