Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
