i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
