He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
