You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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