Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
