I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ttyl tear gas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
