I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
