i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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