I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
