I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize