found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
