Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
