He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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