if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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