Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
