im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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