I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
