I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
