I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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