I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
