fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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