is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
