I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
