It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
