We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
