I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
