What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
