I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
