This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
