Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
