O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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