Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
