he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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