also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
These tits shall not be calmed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
