Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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