this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's shark week go big or go home
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
