I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
