I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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