WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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