i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
