All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Porn is love you can see.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
