If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
