I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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