Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
