he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
