now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
