You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
