Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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